When we talk about mental clutter, we're talking about that internal noise, the constant, relentless conversation in your head. You know the one. The questioning. The self-doubt. The criticism. That unwanted sidekick offers a running commentary on everything you do, pointing out flaws, second-guessing your choices, and never letting you just be.
I was listening to a podcast by Mel Robbins recently, where Dr Judith Joseph described what high-functioning depression looks like. I had my headphones in, walking early in the morning, when her words stopped me in my tracks.
She said:
"These people are super productive, coping with anything that comes their way. They are showing up for others—being a good mum, a good friend, a good sister, a good caretaker, a good wife, a good housekeeper. From the outside, they have 'it all', but internally, they feel empty, lost, unsure, and numb."
I resonated with that description so profoundly. Wearing the mask of productivity to hide what's really going on inside. And yet, as soon as I heard it, I felt relief.
There was a name for it. I wasn't alone. And if someone with years of expertise in psychology could experience this, maybe there wasn't something wrong with me after all. I took a deep breath and a long exhalation and realised I was not alone.
But here's the thing.
As I write this letter, something has shifted.
I trace it back to find the first moment I felt this way and recall the beginning of this pattern, and for the first time, I come up blank.
And that makes me so damn happy.
Because it means all the work I've done, all the healing, and inner decluttering, it has worked. More than anything, I want to share the tools that helped me get here.
The Three Tools For Mental Clutter I Use Daily
Here's what I've learned: mental clutter doesn't just disappear. You keep discovering new layers; old beliefs, outdated expectations, and unspoken rules you didn't even realise weighed you down. But as you work through it, you recognise the patterns. You understand where they come from. Most importantly, you learn to meet yourself with kindness instead of criticism.
There will always be a conversation in your head. That's how we process life. But one thing is certain: it's time for that conversation to become kinder, more supportive, and more intentional.
So, let's do this.
I call them the HEAD + HEART + ACTION TOOLS (HHA).
And when you abbreviate it, it sounds like laughter.
Which feels fitting, don't you think?
THE HEAD: Perception is Projection
If you want mental clarity, you must understand this:
Your perception of the world is unique to you. And that perception determines what you project outward.
If you perceive the world as hard, you will project it as a place filled with struggle and stress, always fighting against life.
If you perceive the world as dangerous, you will project fear, uncertainty, and defensiveness, always bracing for something bad to happen.
If you perceive the world as stressful, you will project busyness, chaos, and overwhelm, always feeling like you're running on empty.
So, the question I had to ask myself repeatedly was:
"Is this really my reality? Or just my perception of it?"
And that question changed everything.
Because I realised something big: the expectations I felt crushing me weren't always from other people. I had placed them on myself.
You can't control how others perceive you.
But you can control how you perceive and project yourself into the world.
One of my favourite quotes from my studies was:
"Whenever you point a finger at someone, there are always three pointing back at you."
So, put the finger down. And if you don't want to? Then, at least be willing to reflect on what those three fingers pointing back at you are trying to tell you.
TOOL 1:
You are projecting your life based on how you perceive it. If you don't like what you see, feel, or experience, start questioning your perception.
THE HEART: Your Thoughts & Emotions Feed Your Heart
I was shocked when I first learned this:
80% of our thoughts are negative.
95% of our thoughts are repetitive.
Nearly 47% of the time, we think about something other than what we are doing, and those wandering thoughts tend to be negative.
For most of us, negativity isn't just an occasional thing; it's the default setting of our minds. And when I started paying attention to the words I used, I realised just how much I was reinforcing that negativity without even meaning to.
See, your unconscious mind listens to everything you say, taking your "I am" statements literally.
Think about how often you say things like:
"I am so tired."
"I am so overwhelmed."
"I am so busy."
"I am so frustrated."
"I am so behind."
"I am so irritated."
"I am not good at this."
"I am a failure."
Whenever we say, "I am", we reinforce an identity. And what does the unconscious mind do? It hears your words and thinks: Oh, okay, this is what we are. Let's make sure that's true.
So, if you say, "I am overwhelmed," your mind looks for all the evidence to support that feeling. If you say, "I am not enough," your mind will not argue with you. It will simply accept it as fact, and here's the scariest part, it works the other way too.
Think about these:
"I notice I am feeling tired. What is causing this?"
"I notice I am feeling busy. When did I start to feel this way?"
"I notice I am feeling frustrated. What is triggering this?"
Notice the difference?
This is why language matters.
TOOL 2: The Reframe Swap
I want to be clear: I am not suggesting we ignore how we feel.
Suppressing emotions is what got us into this mess in the first place!
But what I am suggesting is that instead of becoming the emotion or thought, we separate ourselves from it by observing the feeling, giving us a better perspective and a chance to take steps to understand it. This approach is far more productive, assertive, and proactive.
Here's how:
Recognise the thought or emotion. Notice when you say, "I am..."
Let yourself feel it. The actual chemical reaction of an emotion only lasts 90 seconds; everything after that is your mind keeping the feeling alive.
Reframe it. Instead of "I am so overwhelmed," try:
"I notice I am feeling...
What this does is interrupt the cycle. It stops the mental clutter from building up. It keeps you from unconsciously reinforcing a narrative that might not even be true. You are not your emotions. You are not your passing thoughts. You experience them, but you do not have to become them.
THE ACTION: Values as Your Internal Operating System
Values. Everyone talks about them. Few define them. But they quietly shape everything from your decisions and reactions to your happiness.
Most of us didn't consciously choose our values. We absorbed them. Inherited them, and if we never pause to check what's running the show, we might live by a set of rules that don't belong to us.
A simple way to find your fundamental values?
Look at what makes you feel most alive. That's a clue.
Look at what negatively triggers you. That's a clue, too.
But here's the thing, your values are only as useful as the rules you attach to them. Much like a phone or computer, your values are running on a set of rules, some written years ago before you had a chance to question them. If those rules are outdated, they can turn your values into a source of frustration instead of fulfilment.
For example, my biggest value is "connection", but I was running an old rule that said, "I only feel connected when we have uninterrupted, relaxed time together." Sounds reasonable. But life changes. Kids come along. Work gets busy. And suddenly, the rule you set (without even realising it) makes it impossible to feel connected. The system crashes. You feel disconnected, not because the value is wrong, but because the rule is too rigid.
So, what do you do? You debug your values. You go in and rewrite the old rules to match your current reality.
A simple way to do this:
State the value – e.g., Connection
Ask yourself: "What unspoken rules have I attached to this?"
Test it: Are these rules setting me up to feel this value? Or making it impossible?
Rewrite the rule: What's a more flexible way to honour this value? (E.g., "Connection can be found in small moments, not just long, uninterrupted ones.”)
Your values should support you, not trap you. They are not a rigid checklist but a living, breathing guide. Everything shifts when you get intentional about what they are and rewrite the rules to work for you.
TOOL 3: Debug your values. Make sure they work for you, not against you.
Mental clutter isn't something we clear once and forget about. It's a practice. But you make space when you start questioning your perceptions, reframing your thoughts, and realigning your values. Space for clarity. Space for peace. Space for you. So, I'll leave you with this: If your mind constantly whispers a story, what story do you want it to tell you?
Much love,
Vikki