The other day, I was thinking about Amelia starting school soon. There are three more days to go, woohoo! As I sat feeling relaxed and proud of myself for labelling her uniform (go me!), I read a few messages from a mum's group. They talked about how overwhelmed they felt with all they still had to do before school started.
My first thought? Oh shit! What have I forgotten?
And just like that, my chilled vibes vanished. Panic rushed in, followed by that familiar fear of getting it wrong. In my mind, Amelia would be laughed at, pointed out, and humiliated on her very first day (none of which would actually happen—but welcome to my drama queen brain). I can see it so clearly now: all my emotional baggage came to the surface, reflecting my own school experience (let's just say I wasn't exactly the popular kid).
So, what did I do? I started messaging everyone, of course! I figured I'd rally the whole pack into a collective freak-out (lol, not really). I pulled up all the emails, checked every document in the house, and insisted my family head to the shops immediately.
I was frazzled. I felt this huge weight settle on me—the weight of expectation. The "good mum" glow I'd been basking in? Gone. Instead, I was facing a swim in the sea of self-imposed pressure. Funny how quickly a thought can change everything… and how long we carry that weight around.
Ultimately, the thing I'd been panicking over took less than an hour to sort out—no big deal. But that day, it felt monumental. Later, we went to the park, and while Jorge and Amelia played and set up an obstacle course, I was still stuck in my head. Overthinking, checking my phone, obsessing over the morning's chaos. I felt so heavy I couldn't bring myself to join them. Thankfully, I caught myself. I put my phone away, got up, and joined the obstacle course. At first, the heaviness clung to me like a fog. But soon, it lifted. I was laughing and playing, feeling light and free again.
This is the weight of mental clutter. It creeps in unnoticed and starts to weigh us down—sometimes in small, everyday moments like mine and other times in much larger, life-defining ways. We carry it in the form of thoughts, emotions, and beliefs that have built up over the years.
Holidays give us the illusion of freedom because we momentarily step out from under that weight. But the clutter inside us remains. We return to "normal life", and that imaginary rucksack straps itself back on. The truth is, we've never truly let go of the thoughts and stories weighing us down. Until we do, life will always feel heavier than it needs to be.
How do we start lightening the load? Here are three tools that can help:
1. The "What's really true?" Model
It's hard to see things clearly when caught in a mental spiral. This is because our thoughts (the story we tell ourselves) and the emotions (related to that story) take over, clouding our ability to act purposefully. The conscious reframe model starts with one simple shift: focus on the facts.
What's really happening here? What was the circumstance that triggered these emotions? Once you've identified that, ask yourself, What thought would serve me better now? What feeling would help me move forward?
This model breaks the cycle of mental clutter by shifting your perspective. It won't always feel easy, but it gets easier every time with practice. You learn to create clarity from within.
2. The Temper Tantrum Reset
This is one of my go-to hacks. It's about checking in and asking, "Am I blaming life, or am I leading it?" Life throws curveballs; there's no doubt about it. But am I reacting like a passenger or steering like a driver?
Sometimes, this requires a little uncomfortable honesty. I like to call it the 'mini tantrum test.' It's like having a quiet, internal moment where you recognise, Okay, I'm throwing a tantrum right now. You know the one I am talking about: we blame everyone for our current feelings, we get irritated just by the way our partner breathes, no one understands you, it's all too much, why does this always happen to me, it's not fair, - I could go on…
No shame in these moments; kids aren't the only ones who do this. But once you notice it (a reaction in your body is the first sign). It does not feel right inside your head, heart, chest, legs, hands, or whatever. You know what you are doing now will head one way or another. So, I change my body (I stand up, go to the bathroom – usually have a good scream or growl and then ask myself: How can I lead in this moment? How do I want to handle this? What is within my capabilities right now? This simple tool will help you start leading your life again and stop letting life lead you.
3. Cheerleader Mode
In NLP Coaching (a method that identifies and shifts the relationships between neurological processes, language, and learned behavioural patterns to help people improve themselves), we know that every human is simply living to the best of their abilities based on the resources, knowledge and lessons they have been given throughout their life. So, I use the cheerleader mode to instil self-compassion and resourcefulness. When you feel stuck, say to yourself: If we're all doing the best we can with the resources we have, what's the resource I need right now to be my best and make me feel better?
It could be patience, rest, courage, or clarity. Whatever it is, identifying it helps you shift out of overwhelm and into possibility. You become your own biggest cheerleader, reminding yourself that you're capable and equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
These tools have made a massive difference in my life, and I hope they'll help you, too. I will be honest: I cannot take away your never-ending to-do list or change how your kids behave, the school chaos, the constant workload, and let's not even get started on the housework, daily cooking, and finding time to acknowledge the other person in your life who shares the load with you (although sometimes it doesn't feel that way - yes, I can feel a tantrum coming on).
Clearing mental clutter is a process, but each step lightens the load. Imagine waking up each day with more space in your mind, leading to more joy in your heart.
You deserve that. We all do.
With love,
Vikki