As we move through life, our identity doesn't remain static. Each decade brings new lessons, changes, and often an evolution in how we see ourselves. At 42, I reflect on the various shifts that have shaped me and—like many of you—that the evolution of identity is never truly finished. It's a continuous work in progress, shaped by our experiences, decisions, and personal growth.
When we're young, we long to grow up, imagining adulthood as this mysterious land where everything falls into place. I remember playing games with my sister, pretending we were wives with husbands out at sea, excited about the idea of growing into that role. The innocence of those moments, filled with imagination, contrasts so starkly with the reality of adulthood. We now know that growing up doesn't require a rulebook or an instruction manual. And yet, there's beauty in that.
In our teenage years, we begin to crave independence. This is when the first true shift in identity takes place. We start discovering who we are outside the context of our family—our preferences, ideas, and dreams. But it's also a time of intense vulnerability. First, relationships, heartbreaks, and the emotional rollercoaster that feels never-ending at the time shape our early sense of self. These moments weren't just about figuring out who we wanted to be; they were about learning how to handle change, uncertainty, and the rawness of growing up.
Fast-forward to our twenties, when pursuing freedom takes a different form. Moving away from home, starting careers, travelling, and making bold decisions—all these experiences are monumental shifts. It's when we first taste what it means to stand on two feet. I remember when I relocated to the UK and realised how much courage it takes to navigate new situations. This phase taught me to believe in myself and, more importantly, that it's okay not to have everything figured out.
By the time we hit our thirties, life has started to settle for many of us—at least on the surface. We focus on building careers, homes, and, in some cases, families. But it's also when self-doubt, or imposter syndrome, likes to sneak in. The pressure to excel while trying to find our footing personally can feel overwhelming. I recall those long working hours, trying to prove I belonged in the room. What I've come to learn is that confidence doesn't come from having all the answers. It comes from trusting yourself to figure things out along the way.
And now, a new kind of shift is happening in my forties. I've realised that much of what I used to strive for no longer matters as much. The noise of others' expectations, the pressure to fit into a specific mould, is fading away. My focus has shifted towards what brings peace and purpose to myself and my family. Starting my own business, taking risks that align with my values, and focusing on what truly makes me happy—that's the fundamental identity shift of this decade. And it's empowering.
So why does this matter for us, especially in the context of our careers and leadership?
Understanding how our identity evolves helps us lead with authenticity. It allows us to recognise that who we were five years ago isn't who we are today—and that's a good thing. The wisdom from experience gives us the strength to make decisions aligned with who we are now, not who we think we should be.
Whether you're in your twenties, thirties, or forties (or beyond), take a moment to reflect on your journey. What shifts have shaped who you are today?
What lessons have you learned along the way? Our identity is never set in stone; it evolves as we do. The key is to embrace change, look back with compassion on our past selves, and move forward with confidence and curiosity.
The beauty of life is that it keeps offering us opportunities to grow, pivot, and redefine who we are. So, let's permit ourselves to evolve—to shed the layers of past expectations and embrace the person we are becoming. Each phase and step is vital to the story we're writing.