The last few letters have been easy to write. Throughout the weeks, I've unravelled themes, leading me to write my subjects. But this week is different.
I knew I would write about the BE part of NLP's BE DO HAVE model (who do I want to be?), and the day has finally arrived. Yet, I still sit here with the same question coming up repeatedly, with every distraction under the sun (bloody hell, the wind is even getting my attention right now!).
The question which comes up is: Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? I have asked myself this question many times. Especially now, at 42, it has become even louder as I think of my next 40 years. Knowing you have another 40 (God willing) to rewrite, adjust, grow, and change is the pinnacle. You can write a new book if you choose to, so how do I want the pages to read?
Looking back at my coaching notes, I was often asked: Who did I want to be? Especially in the early days of coaching, when I learned my coaching skills. I remember jumping in and saying with big, bold, proud shoulders: I want to be a great mum, a successful career woman, a wonderful wife, and a good friend. I was so proud of my response. It was the right one, wasn't it?
So I got to work being a great mum, a wonderful wife, a successful career woman, and a good friend. Then I realised, two years into my new shiny 'This is Me' book, that I never thought honestly about how those roles looked and how they showed up each day. I never asked myself what I wanted to feel in those roles. I had created the perfect list of roles I should be playing but have yet to think of the colours of the characters. What does she think and feel? How will she react and show up in each of those roles?
No wonder I have struggled with this letter, even more so than last week's 'to-do' list. As I sit here, it suddenly hits me: several people appear when I think about each of these roles. When we speak about who we want to BE, we need to look to those who live in ways that inspire us and help us BE better versions of ourselves.
To be a great mum, who do I see?
I see my mum. She made us laugh. I loved doing art with her, and she enjoyed chatting with me. She always had time to listen to my stories, and I couldn't wait to share them. And sharing is precisely what I want for Amelia and me. To still be connected years down the line. I then see my sister. She makes you feel seen, never judged, and always loved—she got our mum's incredible traits, and I see them in her and how she is with her children. Then I see Amelia's Nan. This woman is inspiring; she honours her body and health. I never learned about this with my mum, and I am blessed to have her in my life to help guide me and Amelia to be healthy and strong. Then I see my sister-in-law, who lives in Sydney. I admire her will to create the life she wants, her determination to understand her body, her energy to nurture her kids as she feels right, and her courage to be different.
To be a successful career woman, who do I see?
When I thought of this, I wanted to start with what success looks like. I want to be confident, strong, determined, passionate, and charismatic. The first person who pops up is my dad. I admired his tall, strong walk and confidence in saying what was right in his mind. He was never afraid to stick up for himself and was determined to succeed at meetings and pitches. Then I see my best friend from high school. Her courage and self-belief in her career, she goes out and gets what she deserves, works hard, and is super passionate. Then I see the big personality of a new friend who loves throwing glitter and seeing through any craziness that comes with starting a business. She has taught me to believe in my vision. Her confidence glows as she pulls you into her world filled with kindness.
To be a wonderful wife? How do I want to show up?
It surprised me when I saw my own husband in my mind. And what I saw were his expressions throughout our 20+ years together. The cheeky smiles, sarcastic looks, the serious frown, the tears of sorrow, the pure joy, the doubt, the confidence. I saw all his emotions beaming at me when I thought about the type of wife I wanted to be. I want to be me; I want to be the person on the other side of his facial expressions with him, loving him and being in the joy, tears, frustrations, uncertainty, and love.
And to be a good friend?
I see all the faces of my dear friends through the years. Both old and new, I am grateful for all the times we have laughed out loud with good wine, cried with sore boobies and new babies, snuck in a movie in the middle of the day, shared holidays, opened their homes to my family, shared dreams, delicious dinners, and warm cups of tea.
As I sit here reflecting on these thoughts, I realise that the journey of becoming who I want to be is ongoing, shaped by the incredible people around me. Each day offers a new page, a fresh opportunity to grow into the roles I cherish. I can continually evolve into the best version of myself by embracing the qualities I admire in those who inspire me.
So, here's to the journey ahead—to the laughter, the challenges, the love, and the lessons. May we all strive to be surrounded by those who lift us higher, make us want to be better, and remind us of what truly matters. Thank you to everyone who has shown me how to BE and for being part of my story.
With gratitude and anticipation for what's to come,
Your friend
Vikki
"Be around people that make you want to be a better person, who make you feel good, make you laugh, and remind you what's important in life." — Germany Kent