I like to describe our internal and external language as a personal "word wardrobe". The words we choose are just as important as the clothes we pick to wear. Yet we spend no money, focus, or effort keeping our language clean, ironed, dry-cleaned, and moth-free. We don't try on the words to see if they fit, make us feel good, or enhance our features; we don't handpick them to suit a special occasion or moment. And yet, our words are the most significant wardrobe of our mind—because what we say shapes how we perceive our world, those we love, and ultimately our internal beliefs and values.
So, is the "word wardrobe" we create filled with light and colour? Does it make us feel fantastic, or is it holding us back, keeping us small? Does it fit properly, feel uncomfortable, and is it so old and grey that it doesn't belong in the cupboard? We all have them—you know—that pair of comfy leggings that should have gone in the 90s but still surface on bad days.
Why can we speak so freely about how terrible we feel, how much we hate ourselves, how hard it is to change, how frustrated we are, angry, annoyed, or stuck? We can lavish this language with so much energy and vibrancy. Yet, the language that will empower us remains barely palpable.
When working in the corporate space, the best phrase was: "It's so busy at the moment, so much to do." And I would watch people racing around, all busy and full of 'to-do' every day. Some wore it well, while others crumbled—but still relied on 'busy, stressed' language to bolster them up. Why? What was the reason behind that language? What did it make them feel or give them? When I ask this question of myself, I can clearly see the answer: By saying how 'busy and stressed' I was, it gave me validation and importance—because if I wasn't any of those things, then was I dispensable?
We know the answer isn't honest—of course, we are entirely worthy of our positions in our jobs—but here's a crazy thought: imagine how much more you would get done and accomplish, feeling great in the process, if we dropped the 'busy and stressed' words? Then our internal dialogue wouldn't have to cause our bodies to pump cortisol every second during our day, and we could focus and get it done—wouldn't that be great! So instead of talking about being 'busy and stressed', think of it as 'getting stuff done, kicking goals, achieving outcomes'.
Often, I am drawn into the conversation about how much sacrifice we've endured becoming parents. I will admit, I loved the pity party and the good Samaritan speech—who wouldn't want to feel this much self-importance? But why? What does it feed? What does this choice of words actually do for me? Well, to be honest, it gave me worthiness, a reason or meaning in my life. When I think of these speeches and sit with them, I see my internal mother and father appear and applaud my duty because I remember them sacrificing for me, feeding us and putting us through school. This ingrained language has become unconscious, and now I, too, speak the language of sacrifice—so will I pass this on to Amelia? Do I want to? The firm answer and complete sentence—NO—comes up for me.
And although I might lose some friends if I don't join the conversation, I must stand my ground. Firstly, I don't want my unconscious mind to hear this talk and start to believe the sacrifices we are making—because my reactions and actions towards Amelia will not be whole and connected to her but more unconsciously reactive, guarded, and defensive. And secondly, but this is really the most important one. If she is listening, she hears the narrative. She starts to build her own dialogue around worthiness and the sacrifices made for her existence. How much pressure does that put on a tiny human!
I even hear the effects of our language when we speak about the weather—a simple conversation, but it has such a significant impact on how we feel about our day, especially in a caravan. We have gone from having a wonderful experience to hating each minute, with our own mindset towards the weather. Now, I don't think this has any profound history. Still, if I think about it, my unconscious mind clearly has a filing cabinet full of good memories. I would have to guess that I have, for so many years, spoken about how happy, joyful, and inspired I feel in good weather, that my unconscious mind has created the perception that all good things happen in good weather.
And on the flip side, when the weather has been terrible, it often ends up being a dull, lazy, closed-in, frustrating, crappy day. Even with a simple language tweak, we can learn to retrain the brain to notice something extraordinary on a rainy day—Have you ever heard about looking out for rainbows in the rain? Amelia does. She puts on boots and asks to jump in the puddles, which teaches me that everything is possible if we look and speak about it differently.
So, what's in your "word wardrobe"? Is it time for a clear-out? Take a moment today to notice your chosen words—what are they saying about your world and yourself? Consider trying on some new words, ones that lift you up, empower you, and paint your world in the colours you want to see. Sometimes, all it takes is a single word change to transform a moment, a day, or even a life. How will you choose to speak today?