People often use this word to describe a value, emotion, and feeling in their body. Over the past few weeks, it's also been running around in my mind. When do I feel connected? Who do I feel connected to? And what has to happen for me to feel it? And on that note, can we actually 'feel' a connection?
One of our family values is connection, which means something to us. When connected, we often feel a purpose in who we are meant to be. I remember when Jorge and I first moved to Sydney. We loved being back in the city, in our little flat, enjoying all the new sights around us - we were so happy. Eventually, we moved to the suburbs to buy our first home and loved setting it up and the freedom of working, living, and doing what we wanted. Then, in 2018, when I got back from a work trip in Paris, I remember lying on the couch, looking up at him, and asking if there was something more for us. Is there a bigger purpose than just working and living like this? We looked at each other, and for the first time in 15 years of being together, we asked whether we wanted a baby. For those who know us, this was a big step. We always thought it would be just Jorge and me, but we knew there was a bigger purpose for us. The story of becoming Amelia's parents began, and we hit the jackpot when she was born.
However, through the focus on being parents, we completely forgot our connection. Focused on keeping her alive, getting through a pandemic, returning to work, and paying the mortgage, we continued to get further apart, living in the same home but distant. When we did have time to connect, we often found ourselves exhausted, preferring to be on our phones or watching TV, not wanting to talk. When we needed a connection hit, I would invite friends over, host parties, and make us go out to coffee shops or a new thing open in Sydney. We filled our days to be together but felt distant.
When Jorge shared a letter with me a few years later, I realised our connection was far gone. His letter spoke about how he wanted his life to be, what he wanted to feel, the connection he longed for. He wrote about the hours spent away from Amelia and how disconnected he felt from her, his baby girl that he couldn't soothe. The struggle of trying to provide, hold it all together, be a man, father, and husband. We had both been running the same list of emotions. We were both so disconnected that when we tried to connect, it felt like an interruption to the daily grind of our lives. The one thing that made us both feel better was becoming a problem. Connection interrupted us when we were most disconnected, and it would frustrate us.
So, why is it so important? Connection is described as a core need in NLP. It's a human instinct and something that we will unconsciously fight for. Brené Brown has an incredible quote: "Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives."
We knew we wanted it to feel and be different, but we had yet to consider what it meant. We completely lost the meaning of being connected, and our long journey towards our life in a caravan helped spur us on the mission to find a connection.
And over the past week, I have finally found it. The moment I feel there is a purpose and meaning to my life, the sole reason for being connected to each other, nature, and this world. Our favourite family Disney movie at the moment is WISH, and there is a song called: I'm a Star. And I can't help but feel something in the lyrics:
"When it comes to the universe, we're all shareholders." "Have you ever wondered why you look up at the sky for answers or why our eyes all look like microscopic galaxies?" You see, we are all here together, connected by an invisible thread that bonds us.
I notice it when I look up and feel the sun on my face while drinking my morning coffee. My last happy memory of my mum is her sitting on the balcony in Portugal with us on holiday. She has her feet up, coffee in hand, and face towards the sun, utter bliss and contentment all over her. I feel this warmth and my mum whenever I sit in the sun with my coffee. When I hear Elvis playing, I immediately think of my stepdad, Ian. He loved a good whisky and sing-song on a Friday night. I feel his warmth and love all around me.
I feel it when we are in nature, exploring a simple park, chatting on a local zoo bench, and watching a HUGE crocodile sunbathing. I feel it when we are in the car singing our hearts out to Disney while driving to our next destination. I look at Jorge and Amelia laughing and singing, and I feel it again, the warmth rising, the calm washing over me. There it is, the invisible bond, my connection.
It's funny, but when we stay at camps without electricity, we play card games, talk, and keep things simple. These are the times when I feel it. Our connection grows when we are disconnected from the grid. Recently, I have become aware of how it feels. Our connection feels like an invisible warm bond, a rope that holds us together, letting us move through the world with ease, purpose, and meaning.
Is this my version of the connection? Is this my share of the universe?
During our time on the road, I have also realised how easily our sense of connection sometimes comes and goes without me even noticing. When we are in our heads and buried in thoughts, decisions, and daily functions, even while ironically writing this letter about connection, I feel disconnected from the family. Right now, we are all on our devices: me on my laptop, Amelia with her iPad, and Jorge on his phone. Why is that? And every few minutes, I notice we unconsciously try and connect by asking for something or checking in with each other - do we realise that we are disconnected but simply being in our silo and space? Is this how strong a connection can be? That it pulls at us daily?
It has taken me five years, three house moves, and a 22ft caravan to realise that my soul searches for connection daily in simple acts of being together. It doesn't need grand gestures, everything to be perfect, or significant moments to find it. I realise it loves a great conversation with good friends, a top-of-your-voice Disney singalong, helping others on their mindset journey, a play in the park, and a family cuddle in the early mornings when the air is fresh in our van.
So, as I sit here watching the fire in front of me, listening to the birds as they settle for the night, this is the true essence of who we are as humans. We are all connected; look out for the invisible bonds with those you love, and feel them wrap their warm arms around you. Notice how simple it is and how much it grows stronger during times together, just sharing memories, laughing, listening, and enjoying each other. Hold onto it, pull it close - the unbreakable bonds connecting us to those we love.
All my love,
Vikki