Question: Why do we view and see the world differently from other people? Why do we sometimes take on, feel, think and observe information entirely differently from people around us - despite having the same values and beliefs, we still view and see the world uniquely?
Answer: Mind filters.
Wow, big questions, right?! The technical part of me says: The way we see the world differently is primarily unconscious, which means we are not consciously aware of how different we are; we act differently or feel situations differently from others. But how can we consciously see this in front of us?
So I experimented with bringing this awareness to the forefront. Everyone in the group session closed their eyes and had to listen to my instructions as I told them how to fold and tear a piece of paper. (You might know this exercise already! But hear me out)
What happened? There were several different things. One person sat quietly, taking it all in, and the other couldn’t help but peek; 😉 another had to ask questions to get clarity and double-check, and another wanted to absorb it in their way, moving paper constantly to figure out what side was left and right.
From these observations, you can see that everyone was experiencing the exact instructions differently.
So, they eventually opened their eyes, opened the piece of paper and realised that every single one looked different; the shock, amazement and laughter were palpable.
Even if you know this exercise already, what did we learn?
Through this short step-by-step process, each person received the same pieces of information. Without their visual senses, their hearing was heightened. Still, as they heard the simple instructions, they deleted, distorted, and generalised the info.
As I watched them figure out what was left and right, I could see a flurry of questions, checking points, going with the flow and deletions behind their eyes.
The deletion occurred when the questioning began; they forgot to listen or had been focused on getting it right. They missed the good stuff - sound familiar?
The eyes, although closed, dart from side to side, distorting. What if people are looking? Am I doing this right? What if everyone has their eyes open, I’ll do a quick check… you know who you are 😊 again. This sounds so familiar to me in times of perhaps feeling less than uncertain in a large group… wow, even in a safe space, bloody distortion can raise its head. These thoughts all come from our values and self-judgement.
The generalisation allowing the unconscious mind to sit at the chair, hold the paper up and carry out the task was so easy; no one had to really think about closing their eyes and holding a piece of paper up. But then you see generalisation go into override depending on the self-belief “Everyone is probably doing it this way, so I’ll copy” Sometimes generalisation makes us think “everyone must…” and in life, this can often mean keeping us hidden, quiet and not showing up for fear of the “everyone” generalisation.
This simple exercise really showcases the essence of how our mind takes everything in. When you remove each sensory experience, you can see the impact it has on deletion, distortion and generalisation - remember, the unconscious mind is always focused on serving our best interests, we cannot remove our deletions, distortions and generalisations, but we can figure out the filters we use with them. The self-talk, the self-jokes, the sabotaging behaviours to fit in or hide.
If you feel any sense of pulling and fighting in your mind or parts of your thoughts in battle as you try to be the best version of yourself, then consider what filter (self-talk/beliefs) you have embedded in your mind that define your distortions, deletions and generalisations of yourself and the world.
If we can all remember to see ourselves as unique patterned pieces of paper, all ready to reveal our wonderfulness and have the courage to show the world our differences and then the respect to embrace them… gosh, our words, both in our heads and outside, would be so much kinder. ❤️
This one is for all those on the journey of change…