Last week, our house was a hive of energy with the bubbly, nervous excitement that only the "first day of school" can bring. It all turned out absolutely fine. So OK, in fact, that on Amelia's second day, Jorge and I stood around awkwardly while she played, not knowing what to do. We felt like spare parts. She walked past us and whispered, "What are you still doing here?" Before we knew it, we were legging it out of the school, desperate not to look uncool. (Too late for that!)
On the walk home, Jorge said, "I don't know how I feel about that. Part of me is sad. Feels like she doesn't "need" me anymore, but another part is really proud that she's confident enough to tell us to go." (of course she still needs us, she's five)
I totally felt the same way, and as we continued our walk, something kept playing on my mind. I noticed how much of life is spent swaying between emotions, thoughts, actions and feelings. Am I sad or happy right now? Do we do this or that? Do I do this or that? Should I continue or stop? Should I stay or go? (Anyone else hear a song starting?) As each thought crossed my mind, I began to think of my conversations with clients and even my family and friends.
I realised that life feels more like a pendulum, constantly swinging between these thoughts, feelings, actions and choices as we navigate the next stage of adulthood. For us, it's a child starting school for the first time. For someone else, it could be a new job, a career change, moving out of home, or relocating to a new country. Whatever it is, we're always in motion, constantly adjusting to change.
And now I question why we are all so obsessed with finding "balance"?
Why do we keep chasing this elusive, pedestal-like concept as though it's the ultimate goal? When you really think about it, if we were perfectly balanced, we'd be stuck, afraid to tip the scales even slightly. No growth. No learning. No excitement. No progress. And maybe, for some of you, that sounds like bliss. But if "balance" means constantly chasing perfection, trying not to make a single mistake, ticking off endless to-do lists, and battling guilt to maintain it... We've been chasing the wrong goal.
Even with all the changes Jorge and I have made: moving house, changing jobs, getting into a caravan; we never found that magical feeling of balance. The more I think about it, the more I realise the whole concept is flawed. I don't need my world to be perfectly balanced. I need to feel aligned.
Alignment isn't about perfection. It's about being OK with the ups and downs, having the courage to stand firm when life feels off-centre, and living by your values instead of other people's expectations.
So, how do we then find alignment?
It starts with building my actions, habits, and boundaries around my core values. I can see the shift in my own reactions now that I am aligned with my values; we have had a few curve balls come our way, but when you continue to move and stay true to your values, anything seems possible.
And here's the secret: your values are already driving you, whether you realise it or not.
So why not get clear on them? Everything will shift. You stop feeling cluttered and overwhelmed, trying to keep all the plates spinning. Instead, you check in with your values, realign, and let life keep moving around you.
How to Get Clear on Your Values
I highly recommend doing this work with a coach. Over the years, I've had so many people tell me what they think their values are, only to discover they're still holding onto old values from their past. But they finally feel free once they identify their values and create rules around them.
That said, here's a simple way to get started. If you want to go deeper, though, reach out.
Values are like fingerprints, unique to you, leaving their mark on everything you do. (Thanks, Elvis Presley, for that gem.) So, I want you to think of your values like your unique fingerprints as you do the steps below.
Step 1: Find the Feeling
Values are the emotional states you want to feel. For example, you might say you value money—but money isn't the value. It's a means to something else. Ask yourself: What does money give me emotionally? Maybe it's stability, freedom, safety, or pride.
Step 2: Scan your Life?
Think about the key areas of your life: family, home, work, friends, health, social activities. What do you value in each of these areas? What do you want to feel? What's important to you?
Write down at least five emotional words for each area. You might see some words repeating. Once you've got your complete list, remove duplicates and group any similar words. Narrow it down to 6–10 core values.
Step 3: What comes first?
Number your values in order of importance. Ask yourself: Which feeling matters most to me? Trust your first thoughts. Your first instinct is usually the right one.
Step 4: The Check-In
Leave your list alone for a day or two, then return to it. Do your top five still feel right? Do you want to shift or change anything? Once you're happy with your list, you've got your final top five values.
Step 5: Rewrite The Rules
Here's where it gets interesting. We all have rules around our values about what must happen for those values to be met. Write down your current rules for each of your top five. Now, notice how many of those rules depend on other people. Do they require someone else to act a certain way? If so, that's where alignment starts to break down.
The trick is to create rules that you control. Ask yourself: If I'm in charge of my values, what rules can I create and fulfil? Keep it simple. Three rules max per value. Write them down. Put them somewhere you'll see every day. As you build these new rules into your life, you'll notice something incredible: the world can move and shake, but you'll stay grounded, swinging with life's rhythm instead of fighting it.
I realised something profound as I stood on that playground, feeling like an awkward spare part while Amelia confidently walked away. Life isn't about holding our breath, hoping to stay balanced on some invisible tightrope. It's about movement - constant, messy, beautiful movement. In those moments when we feel off-centre, whether at a school gate, a career shift, or through life's inevitable curveballs, our values act like a grounding force.
They remind us who we are and what matters most. When we lean into them, the pressure to stay balanced fades away. We can let life swing, let the pendulum move, trusting that alignment - not balance - keeps us steady through the chaos and joy of living.
It's time to let go of the balance myth and embrace life's rhythm. Remember, we were never meant to be a balancing act. We're pendulums, always in motion. Let's move, dance, sway, and sometimes stumble, knowing that we'll always find our way back to ourselves with our values as our anchor.