This week I have been thinking so much about my defining moments in all their shapes and sizes. We never really know what will be a pivotal or defining moment for us until we reflect and look back on our lives and suddenly see all the significant moments that shaped, defined, and changed us. Either moving us forward and empowering us or holding us back in fear.
Defining moments will always happen, and we will inevitably experience the emotional impact of life events. The mean comments from a school kid who bullied you, changing how you looked at yourself in the mirror, your first kiss, your first love, the heartache of breaking up with someone, graduating, finding your first job, grieving loved ones passing, marriage, buying houses, families breaking, moving countries, having babies, not having babies, meeting new people who change your life, breaking away from people who unravelled it, finding new friendships, loving old friendships and deep conversations over a glass of wine with your partner which changed the course of your future.
All of these defining moments create a highly emotional impact on how we view our life. We cannot stop defining moments from happening, but interestingly we have a say over the emotion or meaning we assign to our defining moments and how we live with them.
I sat at a funeral this week, crying for the loss of a dear woman to whom I had the honour of being a neighbour and friend. Her energy, fire and laughter would light up my day and many others. While sitting at the service, images of her came up, and the priest said something interesting. He said, “I love photo montages as it looks like no one ever worked hard or got sad. All we see are the moments of laughter, love, and enjoying the company of family and friends”.
That was interesting. When it comes to the crunch, and we decide on our top photos to showcase a loved one, we will choose the defining moments of love, light, growth and joy. Even her memorial leaflet photo was one in which she was looking at her grandchild, and the light in her smile and eyes can be seen so clearly in that picture.
When we think about life, we must ask ourselves what defining moments we want others to remember. What stories of my life will they share when I am gone, the choices we made, the families and friendships we created, the journeys, discoveries, and crazy moments? Ultimately, these defining moments will move, shift, mould, and nurture those around you.
So, please reflect on some of your current defining moments. Is there any holding you back, making you doubt yourself, or causing you to be less than you know you are capable of? Perhaps because a defining moment crippled your belief in yourself and negatively defined you. I want you to know that it’s time to let them go, reflect on them, heal, change the meaning, change the story they hold over you, and shift your energy to the defining moments written in the memories of those who love you.